Lately I’ve been paying more attention to maintaining and building my friendships. As an introvert and a shy person, it’s not that easy for me to connect with friends regularly. But friendship is also SO important to me. I love having all sorts of friends, but sometimes I go through periods when I don’t reach out as much as I want.

Over the last year I have built ways to remind myself how much I love connecting and being with my friends. We can do that by connecting to our past positive experiences with friends, by becoming more attuned to the joy of friendship, and by creating stronger connection to that joy when we interact with friends. 

Personally, I jot down a few words about what I enjoyed during time I shared with a friend. That time can be in person, on the phone or facetime or even a text or email exchange. Writing how I felt, solidifies my gratitude and joy of having that friend. The good feeling helps me reach out again.

Reconnect with Joyful Moments in Your Friendships

Journaling about friendship can help you remember moments of deep joy, fun, or connection. 

Start by simply making a list of friends—old friends, new friends, close friends, friends you’d like to know better, friends you love even if you haven’t seen them in a while. 

Then choose one friend and make a list of joyful moments with them — times you laughed together, times you were adventurous or creative, times you were silent and enjoying each other’s company. Or jot down a joyful moment for as many friends on your list as you can. 

Then pick one moment of joy and go deeper. Really put yourself back in that moment. 

• Notice what you were both wearing. 
• Notice your surroundings — is it day or night, sunny or rainy, inside or out?
• What specific details can you remember? Engage all your senses — the rough fabric of the saggy sofa you watched the movie on, the smell of burnt popcorn, the sound of her dog wagging its tail on the floor … 
• Were you talking? Quiet? Laughing? 
• How did you feel in that moment? 

When we write down stories like these, we engage more deeply with the memory. We feel those good feelings again. We feel more deeply connected with our friend. And maybe that nudges you to reach out more.

You could go a step further and share this memory with a friend. Write it into a card and send it their way. Call them and say, “Remember when we …” Tell them how it made you feel. 

Create More Joyful Moments in Your Friendships

It’s easy to go days, weeks, even months, without connecting with friends. If friends live far away, it’s hard to get together, but even nearby friends can be hard to schedule with. I think remembering the joy of your friendship really helps. 

Think about creating more joyful moments in your friendship. These moments might come from:

• Spending time together doing something you both enjoy
• Catching up on a Zoom or phone call
• Sharing memories — texting pictures or sending letters or talking
• An unexpected thoughtful message — doesn’t have to be long: “I saw these gorgeous peonies and remembered your wedding day” or “I just bought Nutella and it reminded me of that time on the train in France.” 

Take a look at the list of friends you made earlier. 

Which person makes you smile just seeing their name? Which person do you miss the most? Which person are you most interested in getting to know better? 

Reach out to each of those people. Share a moment of joy. Schedule a time to reconnect. The results might be a deeper connection with your friendships. And wouldn’t that be wonderful.

Here’s to the gift of friendship.

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