Craving Community? You’re Not Alone

I don’t know about you, but I crave community more and more. 

Humans are wired to connect with each other. We’re not meant to do everything alone. At first connection was about survival from the dangers in the world, shared care and working together to get the basics. Connection is still vital to us — some researchers even say we need human connection as much as we need air, food, and water. 

I’m an introvert. I’m shy. I need my time alone. But I also want and need to connect with others, to have friends. I know I’m not alone in this. 

Friendship is powerful. It’s so worth putting effort into building and maintaining friendships. Community isn’t just about old friends or intimate friendships. Finding new friends and more community is also important. 

Lately I realized that I was feeling a bit lonely. Several of my close friends moved away and I was also not prioritizing meeting new people. So instead of putting in my ear buds and listening to a podcast while hiking, I’ve purposely stayed open. 

I decided to walk my beloved dog every day on a busy trail. Having my pup with me makes it easier to meet people with their dogs. Now instead of walking alone, I have dog walks with three lovely and interesting women each week. At times in the past I have felt lonely, but now I feel a deeper connection with my community. 

And I realized that we can organize activities around shared interests and schedules.

Having people we share experiences with can help us feel seen and supported. And feeling belonging is a true gift. How well do you know your neighbors? Do you stop to talk when you’re out? Now I do and it makes me feel a deeper connection to my community. 

Do you have people in your life who span generations and experiences? Having a broad range of people in our personal community helps too. It gives us new perspectives and a broader range of experiences and needs/ways to help. 

Building and Maintaining Community

There are lots of ways to build community. It starts with showing up and probably involves opening up. There’s a give and take to it. 

I teach writing classes, and because we tap into personal stories, the classes often develop intimate connections and trust. The last class I taught before Covid shut down in-person meetings was exceptional. 

The group bonded and continued to meet after the class had ended. They continued writing with each other for multiple years. Eventually they published a collection of their stories, and I was touched and delighted when they invited me to a reading and signing. 

The people in the group were there to write, and their writing was beautiful. But what they also found was connection and community. The class gave them structure, purpose and friendship. They got to know each other deeply. 

When you get to know people like these folks did, you often begin to seep outside of your starting structure. You meet to write and share stories, but you also start to learn about each others’ interests, kids, health, hobbies… You might meet for coffee outside the group. You might offer to drive somebody to an appointment or pick things up for them at the store. You might call and ask somebody to help you with a task that needs some extra hands. 

It doesn’t have to be writing. It could be your block, an organization, your volunteer work. You could connect at the library or a cafe or a park. 

What If You’re New?

Being new to a community can be hard. If you’re moving closer to kids and grandkids or relocating for work or new to a community for any reason, you might feel outside of things. Some communities are harder to “break into” than others, but it’s worth the effort. 

Some places to start: 

• Look for ways to get involved — volunteer for a community organization. 
• Attend an event that interests you — a hike, sporting event, art opening, concert. 
• Check out local businesses — markets, cafes, restaurants, bookstores. 
• Visit your local library. Attend a program. 
• Introduce yourself to neighbors. 
• Join a team. 
• Take a class. 
• Go to a group meeting relevant to your interests. 

While you’re there, introduce yourself. Yes, it can feel awkward. It might not go great every time, but you might start meeting people you really enjoy. Ask if there are other good hiking trails or places to play pickleball or book groups or knitting groups around. Get curious about the other people there. 

Loneliness and isolation are a real problem. Engaging in community is part of that solution. You’re not the only one seeking more community — may you find the others around you who need it too or who are already there. 

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