If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain;

If I can ease one life the aching,

Or cool one pain,

Or help one fainting robin

Unto his nest again,

I shall not live in vain.

Emily Dickenson

Lately, reading the news, I’ve felt angered and discouraged. I know that focusing on these emotions and thoughts can make me feel frozen, sad and without energy. What, I wondered, if I took a different view? What if I resisted through love, connection and joy?

I’m not suggesting that we ignore what’s going on in the world or the bad things in our lives. I’m suggesting that we boldly embrace joy when it happens, savor the feeling of deep connection and love. I’m suggesting we deepen our connections because that kind of connection is part of the world we want to live in. 

Together we can do more. We can lean into love, joy and connection because doing so helps build our resilience in a world full of hard things. I love the poem above by Emily Dickenson as it is empowering. We don’t have to fix everything all by ourselves. Small acts of bravery or love or compassion are powerful. You are powerful. 

2 Ways to Resist Through Love & Connection

What do you love? What creates love for you? What if you acted for the things you love instead of against the things you hate or react against? It may be a subtle shift, but one that can help you stay positive and active. 

Can you use connection to do things that might create change in the world? This could look like connecting with others to volunteer at an event that aligns with your values. It might mean talking with a friend about the change you’d like to see in the world — not just rehashing the problems, but envisioning something brighter thinking about how you can be part. 

Many of the problems we see in the world feel overwhelmingly complex and out of our control. When we connect with others and resist feeling helpless or angry or all alone, we take back some autonomy. We build capacity.

Ways to Deepen Connection

So how do we deepen connections in a world where many of us are increasingly lonely and isolated? 

I love my friends, yet sometimes I isolate or don’t reach out. I’ve recognized when this happens it means I’m struggling and don’t want to burden friends and family. Of course isolating is the opposite of what I should do. So here are two hacks that I use to help me not go into my shell.

1 I keep a list of when I see a friend (in person or Zoom) or have a long fun phone call. I make a note of who I connected with and how the visit or call made me feel (usually happy, grateful, less lonely…). Looking at the list always boosts my spirit.

2 I have a daily reminder on my phone that asks me to write down “what’s good right now” at four random times each day. OK it’s a bit hokey, but it works for me. I can be in a bad mood but forcing myself to write down one thing that’s good right in that minute is powerful. It’s like taking a deep breath of fresh air.

Below are some other ideas from me and some I’ve collected from others. I hope you give some of these a try.

• Walk with a local friend. Talk about each other’s interests and joys. What fills you both up? Make this a regular thing if you can. 

• Take the next step with an acquaintance. Have you met somebody you find interesting at an event or at the dog park or through work or a volunteer gig? Suggest coffee or doing something outside of your usual flow. 

• Volunteer for something you believe in. This is a way to connect with our larger community. You might even meet new people you want to connect with in other ways. 

• Practice and share gratitude. Take time to feel gratitude for the people in your life — and let them know how you feel. Find gratitude in nature or the smile of a stranger. In general, expressing gratitude can help us feel more connected to others and feel more positive or less lonely. 

• Reach out to a friend you haven’t talked to in a while. Sometimes we shy away from connection because we worry it’s been too long, but often reconnecting feels good for both people. 

• Write a letter. A text or even an email would be quicker — and they have their place in staying connected. But a letter that you take a little time with, that you can hold in your hands, has power. (You’ll find my guide to writing a meaningful letter to boost connection here: Deepening Connections with Legacy Letters.)

3 Steps to Having a Meaningful Life You Love

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