What Do You Do When You See Suffering?

Earlier this year, bad weather forced a plane to land in Gander, Newfoundland. People from the community voluntarily showed up to shuttle stranded passengers to the local hotel — and were lined up the next day to get them back to the airport. 

Instead of simply sitting in detention, some Montana youth are sitting down with people they hurt and talking about their actions. Instead of isolating teens more, they are able to rejoin the community and more understanding flows both ways. 

A bakery regularly offers Bread for Friends — a free loaf for whoever needs it. They gave away almost 2000 loaves in their small community in a year. 

What ties these stories in common? Compassion. 

What is compassion? 

“a sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.” (m-w.com)

“a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.” (dictionary.com)

“a strong feeling of sympathy with another person’s feelings of sorrow or distress, usually involving a desire to help or comfort that person.” (https://dictionary.apa.org/)

And the Greater Good Science Center says:

“Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” Among emotion researchers, it is defined as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.” 

To do that, we need to see each other as human beings. 

Compassion often drives us to help people who have lost their home in a fire, have had a death in the family, or are being treated for a major illness. We see compassion in outpourings of help for people affected by natural disasters or tragedies. 

You might say compassion is empathy paired with action. 

Why Care About Others

Compassion may lead us to help others, but it also helps us. Feeling compassion can slow our heart rate and increase oxytocin. It lights up parts of our brain related to empathy and pleasure. 

Compassion doesn’t fix the world or stop horrible things from going on. Compassion does help people affected by what’s happening. It connects us with others and helps us quiet the panic that can leave us anxious and unable to act. Compassion connects us with others. It’s how we heal. 

Self-Compassion Matters Too

Don’t forget yourself. In addition to compassion for others, self-compassion is important. 

That means not being overly critical of yourself and practicing kindness toward yourself. It means allowing space for your own suffering or pain, without letting it take over. 

And it means the same kind of accepting our common humanity that you practice in compassion toward others. It’s that sense of being connected to others instead of being isolated. 

Show Compassion Your Way 

There is no “right” way to show compassion. We all have different abilities and resources. Different events and experiences will move us differently. Simply show up the way that feels right to you. Maybe you go to marches, volunteer at a shelter, donate money, or do 1-1 work with people who need help. You might do this through an organization or on your own. 

You can bring compassion and kindness to all of your everyday actions. Showing patience when somebody in front of you is moving slowly. Smiling and saying thank you to somebody who serves or helps you, even if it’s their job. Checking in on a neighbor who doesn’t get out much when you are running errands. All simple things that can make a difference. 

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