When you’ve been together for a while, it’s easy to fall into a rut in your relationship. If you have kids, all your conversation turns to the kids and logistics. You don’t have time for the things you used to like to do together. Sometimes you can hardly remember what you used to like to do. It’s time to reconnect and find your way back. It’s time to get to know each other again—and it doesn’t have to be complicated.
One of my favorite ways to reconnect is through telling stories. Think about when you were getting to know each other. You spent time together doing things together, but you also told each other about your lives. You talked about childhood memories or your dreams. You told stories about your individual lives. Over time together, you’ve created stories together, and maybe you tell some of them from time to time—people ask how you met or laugh at a funny story with a friend.
But you have so many more stories. Stories that connect you. Stories that are make up who you are individually and as a couple.
Get to Know Your Love Again with Stories
Photos are a great prompt to help you dust off old stories. If you have kids, they may be amused to see you in your younger days or amazed to see you doing something that’s completely out of the ordinary now. So pull out your photo albums or the shoebox under your bed or your phone … and flip or scroll through, stopping when one triggers a memory. Tell the story.
It’s easy to start, “Remember when we …” or “Remember the time …” Often once you start other memories will bubble up. Tell those stories too.
Get more stories flowing with these questions:
- How did you meet?
- What was your first date like?
- Where was your first kiss?
- What was your favorite trip together?
- What is the hardest thing you’ve been through together?
- When did you do something out of character?
- How did you get engaged? (if you have)
- What was the best/worst/funniest part of your wedding? (if married)
Your stories may be funny or exciting or sobering. But they bring you back to a space and time when you were very together. They remind you that you used to love to backpack or ski or dance. Or maybe they remind you of how you stayed connected when you were living far away from each other. They remind you of trips and events that you thought you had forgotten. “I had forgotten about the time we ended up at that street festival by mistake” or “Do you remember why I’m wearing that silly hat?”
Talk about what happened, where you were, but talk about how you felt too. What you remember and thought about the other person. “I remember climbing the ladders to those cliffs. It was so cool up there—and then I was afraid to go down. You were so patient talking and guiding me down each ladder.”
Your stories weave your connection tighter. They pull you back to each other.
You can tell your stories at the dinner table, while cooking or cleaning up together, sitting together on the sofa, or taking a walk around the neighborhood.
This isn’t about idealizing the past or thinking about your glory days. It’s simply about coming back to who you were, who you still are, though sometimes when life gets busy, it’s easy to forget.
Telling your stories alone has magic to it—and maybe your stories will inspire you to go do something together that you haven’t done in a long time—and create another story for another day.
Don’t forget to write your stories down. Save them. You’ll be surprised how much it means — to you, the writer, and to those who read it. Need a few more questions? You can use these with your significant other or other family members!